Letting go of Fear
Through this journey I have learned so much about myself !
I’m both excited and nervous about this next step in the journey of life! Marriage is something I always looked forward to, not the wedding but the building of a life and a family was always a desire in my heart. Now I was not raised in a home where my mom and dad were married. I was raised in a home with my mom, stepdad, and my sister. Now they were never married, but I remember I always wanted them to get married, because I felt it was wrong for them to live together and not be. Despite my hopes for them it never happened. Now my hope for me was to remain pure until marriage. That was something so deep in my heart that when I failed at keeping it I was so heart broken, I condemned myself so much I knew for sure God hated me!
I fell away from what I knew was right and I was deeply hurting because of it. I thought no man would want a girl who has already been voided! I remember a conversation I had with my mom I was about 15 years old and she had a “sex talk” with me and I remember telling her “no way I’m not doing that until marriage, that’s God’s way!” and I remember her telling me ” no its okay to” Now she wasn’t telling me to go out and sleep around, but I felt deeply that she was justifying her shortcomings. But, I was very persistence and I told her ” no your wrong and your telling me it’s okay to live wrong like you” maybe it wasn’t said exactly like that but I remember it was pretty close and getting in a lot of trouble for it! I was always a firecracker about the word of God, but I was so far from Him, yet I felt so close.
Now after the bliss of the proposal some thoughts started to sank in. ” You never seen a successful marriage , how can you have one”, which is a lie I have seen God hand at work in so many marriages in my church and they been married for 20 plus years many of them! Another thought was most of the people in your family are not married or divorced. Which is true, but is also a lie… Matthew 12:48-50 Jesus sais those who do the will of God is his family. So when I was saved and accepted Jesus as my Lord and savior I was accepted into the family of God! Meaning therefore all generational curses on my life was broken and I was now walking into generational blessings!
So nothing the enemy was saying was worth it ! I at first was defected I believed those lies. I believed them so much I was angry all the time when I was with my fiancé. It got so bad I was looking at myself and thinking I can’t be a wife I would be horrible and I will nag him all the time (because that’s what I saw growing up). I won’t be able to show him the honor and respect he needs (again what I saw growing up). I began to think of ways of getting him to dislike me so much were we would argue and I would want to give the ring back. I had to be set free. It was holding me down and back. One Sunday at church during my pastors sermon series “Operation liberty” I went up for prayer about fear and the very same thing I went up about and mind you I never spoke to anyone not even my fiancé about it only God knew the troubles of my heart. My pastor came and prayed for me and prayed the exact thing I needed. “be free from the fear of marriage!” That was burden lifted.
So I say to you if you are engaged, dating, or waiting on you prince or princess, let go of the fear you are going to be a great wife or husband to someone just as great! Keep pushing and always speak the word of God back to the enemy when he is yelling !
Be sure to check out my previous post about this journey !
Thank you for reading! Until next time Tons of Love and Hugs!
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