Had I been a little lighter….

So I told yall in last post I was gonna tell you about the crazy I ran into at the bethel worship night.

Now the crazy is in NO WAY in any affiliation with Bethel worship!! 

I had amazing time at the Bethel worship night. The Holy Spirit Presence was there and many people were healed!! Praise God!!

I went in there with no defects, no reason to be healed, I was healthy and whole. Just a Holy Spirit junkie was my only crime lol! But I left there with a hole, bruised, and needing healing. But I wasn’t aware of that. I had such a bad thought process after that night. Now let me tell you why…

There came a part in that night were Bethel worship pastor asked anyone  who was in need of a healing to raise their hands and then he asked those around them to pray in agreement with them for their healing. So there was a lady who was literally right next to me who had her hands raised so I stood by her and prayed in agreement with her. She told us she had 3 incurable dieseases, but I notice she would never make any eye contact with me. So we prayed Then afterwards she thank everyone who prayed for her, all except me. She kept herself perfectly position where I couldn’t be seen. She knew I was there she looked directly at me when I came to pray.  I thought I was tripping at first but I remember earlier when I got in the isle to worship she had her daughter get to the other side of her I never paid it any mine until then.

I constantly try to get back focus and worship. It may have seem as if I was into it but I wasn’t it was all flesh. It was all me. After that I felt the spirit but I was not effected I wanted to cry. I tired to pray and worship through it but all I kept thinking was had I been a little lighter. I shook it off and forgot about it when we left.

Now that has always been a thing for me you can read about it HERE!

It was the worst feeling ever…


Now then we had a couple events at my church that week. My church is mixed we have all races and we all are like a family! But this weekend was the hardest I hard thoughts that I was constantly being used for mediocre purposes because I was darker. I was angry and upset and I didn’t know why I was feeling that way, but I was upset. I wasn’t letting it show thank God for that, but deep down I was boiling inside. I wanted to go all black panther and Angela Davis hold a march or something and Yell out Hey Black Child! Saturday was a struggle and Sunday morning when I woke up to pray I continue to ask God why is this hurt there. Why is my heart hurting? Why am I feeling this way? I felt like old things were breathing life and coming to attack! When I got to church that morning it was hard to worship. I had ill thoughts and I was feeling the spirit of God but I couldn’t breakthrough my feelings. Then the Holy spirit spoke to me and said “You are feeling this way because of what happen Thursday, Don’t let that effect you…no one here views you that way.” I began to wept and felt a release of my life.


It can be hard being dark skinned living in this world that’s what people say, but it hurts more when you feel that from someone in the body of Christ. I’m so thankful to be apart of a church were we don’t discriminate and love all shades of God’s people!


Don’t feel less because of the things people don’t like about you…Feel strong its what makes you unique!





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