The Confidence Issue: Part 2 ” He is my Self worth”

Ever felt like you were lacking confidence? Well I have felt like that several times. Growing up it wasn’t easy being a kid. I never felt loved, or pretty. I always felt like I had to do something to be loved. I had such low self esteem. I constantly battled with the thoughts ” am I pretty enough?” “are my clothes cool enough?”  “Will the guys like me?”. All these questions I had floating through my mind. Pretty normal for a child right? Yes and no. What was the cause of these questions? I felt often like I wasn’t fit to be certain people friend because of how I look. I want to show you in this blog I want  you to realize he isn’t your everything but God is.

Have you read The Confidence Issue Part 1 ? If not check it out here: Part 1: Loving the Skin your in

Growing up I didn’t have my father in my life well he was there , it’s just that our relationship was strong. I always longed for that relationship. I never had that affirmation that a girl needs from her father. To tell her she is beautiful, to protect her, to provide, and to show her what a man should be. I  didn’t have that and a lot of girls growing up experience that to.

That’s where the boyfriend pops in. In high school once I got a boyfriend, it became impossible to live without one. It gave me confidence, I felt pretty . I never had a man to tell me those things, I needed it to make me feel validated. I had about 4 boyfriends in high school.

It was about to be my senior year and one day me and this guy meet on MySpace. Oh Boy MySpace was a mess! We sent so many messages back and forth to each other for days and of course we were so called in loved! I remember how he told me I was beautiful and eventually how he loved me. What he loved me!! We had pet names and everything. We were so in “LOVE” ?!! I thought it would never end and he could do no wrong. Well Love turned sour pretty quickly!

I soon found out he was cheating on me and not for just anyone for my best friend. My senior year love story was quickly turning in to a NIGHTMARE! I trusted him and her I was so heart broken. I played love songs to coop with my emotions, which only made it worst. I ended up taking him back and trying to forgive. Hoping my love story would be end up like Mariah Carey’s song love story.

I lost myself to him I did something that I regretted so much. I gave it all away for the L-O-V-E word that wasn’t true in that case. I thought to myself that would keep him. I quickly seen the ugly truth guys would tell you anything to get whatever they want. I was so hurt.; heartbroken and depressed and I couldn’t get over him.

When I made that decision he took a piece of my soul with him and vice versa. This cycled continued with different guys after that.

Sometimes ladies we get into things that cuts us deep and butchers our confidence. I couldn’t function without a guy, because I never had that love at home. That was my root cause. We all have a root cause to why we always cling or cant get over. Seek God to find your root cause.  I lost myself completely to something I thought was love.
When I found Christ I found that my worth is in Him, not guys! His love was better than any love he didn’t cheat or talk down. You are awesome, great, and powerful and are loved by God!

“:As ladies we are a rare, priceless, precious novel that is to be kept secret. Until the rightful owner finds it. When we allow anyone to read our stories. They take pieces of it with them when they leave. Then suddenly we aren’t whole anymore. We are not rare anymore, we became devalued. But you can get your value back through Christ!” – Aldininika Darensbourg

 

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